My life is a mishmash of brevity, cynicism, idealism, and insecurity. Its the last one that dominates my life at present. I find myself tonight, unable to think of anything witty to say or anything to make fun of. I feel like how most of America views "Jersey Shore": American trash with little or nothing the world at large.
I feel like my life of the last 5 years has yielded nothing but a trail of my tears and tattered dreams. I feel so broken, so far from what was dreamed by me and for me. I know that I am my harshest critic and that this is just a rough night. I won't air my dirty laundry in the open (partially because my mother is my one follower). But I have made poor decisions, more than that I've let myself and my parents down.
I'm seeking professional treatment for my problems, but one of the medications I'm taking has made me gain large amounts of weight. Just add that to the list of my insecurities. At points I feel borderline unloveable. This is not the life I envisioned 5 years post high school graduation. I wish for a mulligan in my life. What can I do now? I guess pick up the pieces.
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